At approximately 6:40am this morning, the Cyrus family reported their daughter, Miley, age 20, missing to the California state police. Young Cyrus is most famous for her work with Disney as “Hannah Montana” and has, in recent years, launched a movie and music career that continued her worldwide fame. Last month, her performance at the Video Music Awards stirred international controversy due to its salacious elements. Her agent, publicist, and manager continue to cooperate with authorities in their efforts to locate Cyrus.
Hotel security footage shows three hooded figures exiting a service tunnel, carrying a large trunk just after 4:30am. Nearby bank cameras caught the image of a black SUV leaving the area, turning on to an access ramp for Interstate-15.
**** UPDATE **** 7:30am
Collaborating witnesses have disclosed that Cyrus was partying with Dave Chappelle, Kanye West, and Tiger Woods in the early morning hours on October 17. None of the performers remained at the suite when the family and traveling staff arrived later that morning. None of their respective representatives replied immediately to requests for comment.
Governor Meg Whitman’s office confirmed that the state police were working with the Federal Bureau of Investigation since the suspect vehicle was traveling towards Las Vegas, Nevada. President John McCain briefly commented that every effort was being taken “to assure the safe return of the young lady to her family.”
The question provided a brief light note in a press conference where President McCain continued to face difficult questions about the unprecedented actions taken by Speaker Nancy Pelosi and the radical-left “Coffee Party” caucus in the House of Representatives. For the last two weeks, Speaker Pelosi has failed to persuade nearly 150 members of her party to pass a continuing resolution. The resolution would fund the government through the end of the year and would prevent the Congress from defaulting on its debts for the first time in American history.
In the midst of the massive global War on Terror, President McCain faces difficult choices in defending the nation without action by the legislature. Troops in Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, and Iran will undoubtedly face greater dangers, more losses, and declining morale due to the stance of the House Democrats. Tensions between Syria and Israel continue to escalate, especially as Russian and Chinese interests in the region gain the support of the international community to limit American aggression.
Vice-President Sarah Palin also urged swift coordination between the state police, federal investigators, and local national guard units, if necessary. “We have seen the rise in urban crime and corruption in the aftermath of the abortive Presidential campaign of disgraced Senator Barack Obama in 2008. It is time we made severe examples of whoever is responsible for threatening this family.They are one of our national treasures!”
**** UPDATE **** 10:48am
Miley Cyrus has been found, but her disappearance was dramatically overstated. None of the entertainers previously mentioned were in the area in the last two days. In fact, the entire incident was a fantastic exaggeration. The larger concerns regarding the War on Terror and a domestic default, however, remain very real.
To DaVinci, From Imhotep 